Whenever I start to share something with my community, I usually find myself in the midst of it. I imagine it as the universe inviting me back into the process in order to expand my understand and share from an embodied, authentic place. Recently, I wrote a blog about the mystic archetype— the path of dissolution and mystery— and ever since I’ve been hyper aware of the process of undoing in my own life. The mystery, and what it means to stay with the process even when it doesn’t seem clear or make sense.

Since writing that piece, I’ve been noticing myself reaching for old versions of me. The photographer. The director. The soulful writer. A version of me that was deeply rooted in her craft and career, but a version that didn’t feel sustainable. I’m proud of her, so it’s not a shock that I would revisit her. And, it struck me a week or so ago that this deep call back/longing for who I once was may be a sort of coping mechanism on the path to who I am becoming.

I’m in a portal. And, if you’re noticing parts of you feeling confused, uncertain, or grasping for old versions maybe you are too. Dont worry, though. While this part (the stretching, warping and reorganizing of your entire being as you traverse from one point to another) often feels like utter garbage, it is an incredibly important part of the process— and if we can cultivate the capacity to stay in it, there is so much to be learned about ourselves.

If this is feeling like, “oh yeah, that may be me” here are a few tools to help you identify if you’re in a portal, what that means and how to ride the wave into the next version of you.

the alchemy of becoming

In alchemy, this total undoing is called the blackening phase. It’s the longest and often the hardest to endure. In the mythic journey this is what is known as the descent. It’s when everything known begins to dissolve. Inside and out. Self and other. What’s falling apart externally often mirrors the inner reorganization of self— the release of patterns, roles, or relationships that can’t travel with you into what’s next. This phase can feel disorienting, emotional, confusing, and/or scary because the nervous system is letting go of what’s familiar— which is why we often find ourselves grasping for what we know.

It makes total sense that our first instinct is to cling to what we know. After all, our nervous system equates familiarity with safety— even when the familiar has become constricting. So, while the portal is asking us to be with the process, the body is still seeking what is safe. The key is to remember that both of these are important impulses. Our work isn’t to force movement, but to listen. To honor the part that’s afraid without letting it quietly run the show. Sometimes resistance is a sign you’re stretching into new territory; other times, it’s your body asking for slowness, safety, or integration.

While this might seem like it’s all bad, it’s so important to remember that this phase is inviting the necessary decomposition/death before rebirth— this is rich, dark soil from which the new will eventually grow.

7 signs you are in a portal (a.k.a. the In-Between)

1. YOU FEEL DISORIENTED, OR “OFF”

You may find yourself questioning everything— your purpose, your direction, even your sense of self. What once felt clear suddenly feels hazy or uncertain. It’s as if the compass that used to guide you no longer points anywhere familiar. This disorientation isn’t failure; it’s the psyche reorganizing itself. In psychological and spiritual language, this is the liminal space — the threshold between what was and what’s emerging. The brain’s predictive maps are dissolving, and the nervous system hasn’t yet anchored into a new rhythm.

2. OLD IDENTITIES AND PATTERNS RESURFACE

You might notice yourself longing for earlier versions of you— the relationship, the job, the rhythm of life, even if you know that versions wasn’t sustainable. The nervous system reaches for the familiar when it’s uncertain. Old coping mechanisms, relational habits, or creative patterns may reappear. This is your system is trying to find solid ground.

3. YOU TOGGLE BETWEEN EXPANSION AND CONTRACTION

One moment you’re full of vision; the next, you want to curl up. That push-pull rhythm is how the body metabolizes transformation— expansion requires equal rest.

4. YOU’RE MORE SENSITIVE THAN USUAL

Going through a portal heightens everything. Your nervous system is on high alert, absorbing, reorganizing and rewiring. When your nervous system is attuning to a new baseline, it means your body is getting used to a different normal. The old “settings” — how much stress, stimulation, or emotion you could tolerate — are shifting. You might notice that things that once didn’t bother you suddenly do, or that you cry more easily, or that you need more rest.

It can feel raw or unstable because your body hasn’t yet found steadiness in this new way of being. But that sensitivity is actually a good sign — it means you’re becoming more alive to your truth. You’re starting to notice when something feels off, draining, or unaligned instead of just pushing through it.

5. THINGS YOU USED TO TOLERATE SUDDENLY FEEL INTOLERABLE

Behaviors, relationships, or commitments that once felt fine now feel heavy or misaligned. Boundaries also shift in the portal. The body begins rejecting what’s misaligned, even before you can articulate why. Small talk, busywork, and shallow interactions may also feel unbearable. You’re beginning to crave depth and authenticity— signals that your values are recalibrating.

6. YOU’RE DRAWN TO THE SYMBOLIC OR THE SACRED

When you’re in a portal, the deeper layers of the psyche start to stir. The structures that normally keep you focused on the surface world loosen, and suddenly you begin to notice patterns; symbols, dreams, and synchronicities. These patterns surface to help you integrate what’s unfolding on a deeper level. Remember: you don’t need to decode every sign or force meaning. Let these symbols be invitations rather than instructions. Sometimes their purpose is simply to remind you that you’re connected to something larger than your current uncertainty.

7. YOU’RE BEING INVITED TO SLOW DOWN, NOT PUSH THROUGH

The impulse to “get through it” is strong, but portals open through presence, not force. Integration requires cycles of rest, regulation, and reflection— honoring the nervous system’s pace rather than the ego’s timeline.

what to do if you are in a portal

Be gentle with yourself. This is not a time for pushing or performing. Listen to your body. Take your time.
Take it slow. Transformation happens at the pace your nervous system can handle. Rushing won’t help.
Allow yourself to feel. The emotions surfacing now are messengers carrying insight for what’s next. Feel them. (remember, they only last 90 seconds if you let them.)
Tend to your body. Eat grounding foods, move in ways that soothe, and rest more than you think you need.
Simplify. Quiet the noise so you can hear what’s trying to emerge.
Resist the urge to rush clarity. What’s dissolving needs time to compost; the new shape will reveal itself naturally.
Reach for safe connection. Let yourself be witnessed by people or practices that can hold you without needing to fix you.
Honor endings. Grieve what’s leaving— even if it’s an identity, a role, or a way of being. Grief clears the soil for growth.
Trust the timing. Alchemy works in layers. The blackening always precedes illumination.

gentle reminders for the process of becoming

1. TRANSFORMATION ISN’T LINEAR

Everything in nature moves in cycles and seasons, and the same goes for this work. Growth doesn’t happen in a straight line— it spirals. You’ll revisit old patterns, emotions, and versions of yourself. Each return offers a chance to integrate something you couldn’t before— consider the cycle an invitation to mastery.

2. DISSOLUTION AND INTEGRATION MOVE AT DIFFERENT PACES

The unraveling often happens quickly— one realization, one ending, one choice can shift everything. But the settling, the living into that change, takes time. Insight moves fast; embodiment moves slow. Even when you understand something on a mental level, your body and nervous system need time to adjust. It’s learning how to feel safe in a new way of being. Instead of trying to “finish” the process, give yourself permission to move at the pace of safety. Rest between waves. Integration isn’t about speed; it’s about allowing what’s changing to take root.

3. EMOTIONAL FOG IS PART OF THE PROCESS

During transformation, clarity often disappears. This is brain and nervous system literally rewiring; it’s the psyche withdrawing old reference points before new ones are formed. When those old patterns no longer fit (for example, when your sense of identity or worldview shifts), the brain has to pause and reorganize its internal models. Trust the process.

4. REGULATION OVER REVELATION

Big insights and breakthroughs are seductive, but sustainable change requires staying regulated enough to integrate them (which often means small, digestible shifts instead of big ones). The nervous system needs contraction and rest just as much as expansion. Sometimes the most healing and potent thing you can do is take a nap.

5. THE OLD SELF WILL GRIEVE

No one talks enough about the grief that comes with healing and transformation. Even when what’s transforming was painful, it was still home. Mourning the old self is part of making space for what’s next.

6. IDENTITY DEATH PRECEDES REBIRTH

The ego resists because it’s built to maintain continuity. When pieces of who you thought you were begin to fall away, it can feel like dying— because, in some ways, it is. Remember: you’re not losing yourself, you’re becoming a new version.

7. INTEGRATION REQUIRES EMBODIMENT

Lasting change has to be anchored in the body. You can have all the insight in the world, but until your nervous system learns to feel safe responding in new ways, the old patterns will keep pulling you back. Integration is about practicing safety, presence, and consistency until the new way of being feels natural. Pause, go slow, and be gentle with yourself.

8. YOU WON’T RETURN THE SAME

The middle phase teaches that “returning to normal” isn’t possible— and that’s the gift. The goal isn’t to go back to who you were, but to bring the wisdom of the process forward into what’s next. The point of the portal isn’t escape; it’s evolution.

final thoughts for moving through transformation

Remember: Perspective is everything. When unraveling occurs it isn’t punishment or a sign of failure; it’s an invitation into something more aligned.

Every transformation carries its own rhythm and unfolds in it’s own time. Comparison will not serve you here— you don’t have to rush toward the light to prove you’re healing. Stay with the dark long enough to see what’s growing there. There is so much waiting for you in the midst of things— wisdom that can only emerge when you stop trying to escape the uncertainty. One day, you’ll look back and realize the blackening was never the end; it was the beginning of something far more true.

sending love in the midst, xo t

If this resonated with you, if it sparked a new perspective or helped you feel seen—please share it. Send it to a friend or post it on your socials. The more we bring these conversations into the light, the more we empower each other to grow.